Imani



Lately I've been on a real mission.

I'm cutting down my hours at the 9-5, trying to follow dreams, my heart; basically, trying to spend more time doing what I feel is right.

I have this deep desire to help people. Like everyone. So I always go to the root of a problem. I'm a virgo, so I realize that sometimes I do this with a percieved coolness, or coldness, but it's never in that spirit. I'm just always about the goal, the mission. I'm the friend that bugs you and asks, what's the point? Or, why are you doing that? Or, what's your 50 year vision for that? Sh*&, I'm interested in your 50,000 year vision!

I'm reading about HIV/AIDS in Africa and it almost brings me to tears in public. Some governments are still refusing to commit to The African Common Position On AIDS!

I believe in the potential of humans to do what is right. I think, however, that many of us are shackled by short term vision. We don't do what's right in the big picture sense because we can only see short term gain at times. I believe that we all want to work doing something we love, contributing to a community that we love. Hell, we all want to be loved in general. When I look around at my friends NOT doing what they love or at least NOT working towards doing what they love I usually find evidence of fear. I'd argue that most people don't run to money because of greed. Rather they run to greed because of fear. Damn, we scared of not being successful, or perhaps of just not being percieved as successful. (sometimes it's the ones who have been "successful" all their lives for whom it's hardest to free themselves from the outside pressure to please others. you get used to people praising you and if they aren't you think you're on the wrong path. it's a natural tendency.) That fear leads to jobs we don't like, let alone love, and that initial compromise often leads to greed. Afterall, once you've compromised yourself and your heart what is left to achieve? Except mo' money, more stuff. More "success."

I almost found myself on that road. But I can't continue on it. So I'm not. I'm getting off now, while it's still early. But I guess early's all in perception also. But they say God takes care of the birds so not to worry if he'll take care of you or not. I'll be talkin' to the birds for some advice on how this thing works :) And maybe my mama. lol! But then again, in many ways my mama is God. Right? Yes, I know, in many ways she is not too. (for those of you too scared of that statement) But in many ways she is. (so there!)

I am a communal being. I believe we're at our best when we are of community. (in communion? perhaps? interesting.)

I'm determined to do work that allows me to love and feel loved. Moreso, I'm determined to help as many people do the same as possible. And I'm not talkin about getting rich so I can employ a few people. Like I said, I look to the root. It's my nature. So I understand that in order for everyone to have what I want for myself, and not just my friends of my family or my country, somethings are going to have to change on a very fundamental level. I'm down to help make that happen in the best ways I know how.

So today I'm starting on a journey of faith. I'm not sure about how I'm going to do a lot of things that I see myself doing when I close my eyes. But I know that even if I die trying, at least I'll get to dream peacefully about finishing them when I'm sleeping eternally, knowing that I was headed in the right direction.

Originally Posted 6/9/2006
(So please excuse the dead links to our old forum, we were just starting out the gate! Also, it's crystal clear when I close my eyes now.)

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