Breaking down late-night American Television.

Or, "Breaking down late-night American Television as contained in capitalist globalization and categorization circa 2009."

Or, "Feist, Santigold, Santogold, and Charles Hamilton sittin in a tree."

Here's how I discovered the master plan behind the recent shift in Late Night Television hosts this February.

Categorizations are crucial to selling American products and services, including music. Selling American products and services are crucial to selling (or maintaining as a brand) America, or its image, as the bestest, most powerfulest nation on Earth.

Categorizations expire, or become less lucrative. And they are replaced, if necessary, by a more lucrative categorization.

The new Late Night Television lineup is simply the same model readjusted to match 2009's most lucrative categorizations. It's all about capitalism operating at its most efficient level.

So Conan O'Brien -- once everything brand new and hip, and young, and cool -- now represents the middle aged (or approaching) man. Jay Leno just takes yesterday's middle aged man into the elder years to 10pm. Conan will represent everything popular to the pop-rock world, and the Rolling Stone generation. Expect to see middle-aged pop-rock musical guest Feist, often.

Replacing Conan -- as everything brand new and hip to popular America -- is Jimmy Fallon, representing everything popular to Hipsters all over Brooklyn New York City -- The Roots as houseband, Internet Video Of The Day, etc. Expect to see hipster and hipster-favorite, musical guest Santigold, often.

After Jimmy Fallon, former MTV Total Request Live (lol) host Carson Daly will continue to bring America "Last Call". But, I imagine, frustrated with getting nothing out of the shake-up, Carson has left his studio audience and turned the show into a traveling punk documentary -- trying to find the newest, youngest artists on the bleeding edge, in the smokiest bars in L.A., as he desperately tries to get back in touch with his music-journalist/video-jockey roots (ha). Only, "punk" for our generation is having your own blog (hypocrisy intended) and instead of selling your music out your trunk for rent and gas money, "punk" is giving away mp3 files over the internet from the comfort of your living room. So, expect to see musical guest Charles Hamilton, often. BONUS: my favorite Charles Hamilton quote is his pouting response when asked how he feels about being harshly critiqued by his critics: "like, come on, I gave you art."

There you have it. Pick a category, and prepared to be sold stuff -- music, alcohol, cell phone calling plans, late-night sex talk, etc.